MIRROR MIRROR… the gift of being triggered by another person
I got pissed at someone the other day. Like really pissed, grumpy face and erected middle-fingers kind of pissed because first I got pissed at something they did and then I was extra pissed at them for ‘making’ me pissed. I hated the ‘power they had over me’. And it frustrated me that I was spending my time thinking and somehow ‘obsessing’ about them. I was looping. My emotional reaction to my emotions and thoughts and yes, I was annoyed at that, too. And that I felt neither able to let it go, nor to take action that felt confident or appropriate.
Have you been there? If yes, you probably also know that to shift out of this requires a bigger deal of choice and some powerful tools. This is what RELATION CLEARING SESSIONS are great for.
As you read on how to view and reframe not only challenging people as insightful teachers, pick someone with an emotional charge for you and come along for an insightful ride.
So, I chose to my self-responsibility button on again, access my own practitioner wisdom, and paused to inquire:
My wisdom: “What is it, that truly upsets you?”
Me: “They disrespected me and my time.”
Wise: “Yes, that sucks, dear one. And what does this disrespect of you and your time represent?
Wise: “Are they maybe selfish, needy, flaky, prejudiced, ignorant, arrogant, or…something else?”
Me: “Hm, they are so definitely selfish.”
Wise: “All right, they are selfish! And if we assume that ‘perception is projection’, we acknowledge that you can only perceive what is in your own conscious and often unconscious perspective. That makes what you experienced in them, their selfishness, in fact, a mirror of your internal environment. Can you agree?
Me, a little reluctantly, but also feeling the power of this understanding: “Yes”
Wise: “Ok, then let’s proceed to investigate: How do you relate to being selfish yourself? Do you allow yourself to be selfish or is it, something you are currently repressing?”
Me: “Uhh, no I don’t like being perceived as selfish”
Wise: “Are you OK with being selfish? Just as, are you OK, with NOT being selfish?
Me and Wise me continued with applying Emotional Clearing tools to it (my last year’s extension in my Somatics tool belt). I muscle-tested the congruence with both statements. Is it true on a conscious and unconscious level?
And not surprisingly, I was NOT ok, with being selfish. But to my surprise, I was also NOT ok with not being selfish.
We tested further, to uncover the unconscious emotional charge I was having.
I tested an entanglement of shame and humility, creating the incongruence.
I felt them, sticky in my body, I did not have a clear story but it resonated also mentally and I realized how uncomfortable this feeling was and how it had been activated by the other person’s ‘selfish’ behavior. I also noticed, this feeling to be old and familiar, beyond that situation with that person.
I proceeded to release those emotions.
As I clear this entanglement of emotions in my energetic body and nervous system I started to become OK with being selfish and not being selfish, I became emotionally neutral around the concept of selfishness.
And then… I also did not feel pissed at this person anymore but again, more neutral. This allowed me to see some more of the bigger picture of our situation and evaluate if any action was still needed. I was not looping anymore but felt my boundaries clearly. Instead of blaming and shaming them for being selfish, I recognized, I am not available for offering my time to them in this way again. No grumpy face, no middle fingers. Simple, clear and moving on. And even a pinch of gratitude, for the gift of being confronted with my sticky charge around selfishness, because as a recovering people pleaser I had already deconditioned quite a bit of stuff around selfishness. Yet, this person and trigger allowed me to access and transform another important layer of the onion.
Being OK with being selfish, or not being selfish – may trigger you, too. Or it is something else they represent, that is a struggle within yourself.
An important mental recap here – being OK, does not mean liking it, or disliking it, but being neutral, not investing emotions to avoid or crave it, but having emotional freedom around it. And this again will give you greater choice in how you want and can deal with it.
So, if you choose your own situation while reading, or simply choose someone now, if you like – what did/do you discover about ‘your trigger person? What do they represent for you and how do you relate to that aspect within yourself? What do you discover and possibly can transform about and within yourself through them?
Reach out if you wish support in unpacking this gift and untangling the trigger, that is represented by the other person.
I am here for you if you want to take responsibility for your part of a stuck or challenging relation, may it be romantic, family, friendship or at your workplace and create more freedom, a new perception of your relationship and enable a shift in your dynamic.
#mirrortheory #emotionalclearing #radicalselfresponsability #freedom&choice #thegiftinthetrigger
Photo by Tabita Hub