Dear beloved carer – stop the freaking stinginess of your compulsive giving

You are not doing the world a favor by forgetting yourself
You are not in good service to the people you care about, by putting their needs before yours
It is not your purpose to sacrifice yourself
It is your purpose, to live well and to give that unique gift that you are to the world
To give from an overflowing cup

When you put yourself last, and give from a cup half or yes, let’s name it, fully empty
You are not only disregarding yourself
You are sabotaging the bigger mission that you are here to fulfil
And ‘you are turning those who take from you to thieves
Because they are stealing from you what you need, and they don’t even know it’

Dear beloved carer, listen to those powerful words of Iyanla Vanzant
And if you truly care about others, the environment, world peace, a new economy, your business, your art, your family, your (god-)children, your lover(s)…
Direct that care first towards yourself, and
Make sure you fill yourself up
So that through your overflow, not by bypassing or draining yourself
You nourish and gift the world

It is selfish to put yourself last
It is SELF-FULL to put yourself FIRST
to be as good as possible to yourself in order to fully contribute

Now, the question is relevant – when am I full?
But you and I know the difference when one is saturated with a sense of enough
and just wants to share the extra
Or one gives from lack or out of guilt
And to find that feeling of enough is the biggest attention you can give to yourself

You and I know the feeling of resentment that creeps in
When one has given from an empty cup,
Given, pretending to be filled by that sacrifice
and then the secret deal, the reward of gratitude, appreciation, love
does not return as expected

Or, just too common, the return does not land
As one is so addicted to giving, and the receiving channel is out of whack
Because receiving was maybe tainted with abuse or shaming or other kinds of manipulative deals
Or one believes and feels, that if our giving was to stop, we would be insignificant and dropped
That one should feel bad for what we have and others don’t

But these are the old wounds speaking
don’t make your present complicit in that game
You can’t stop the migrants drowning in the Mediterranean Sea when you are burned out
You will be able to do more about it, and anything you care about, when you have your authentic strength

You want to be able to give and give and give, without giving up yourself
And you and I know – it is hard to leave those train tracks of compulsive giving
But we also know, it’s what we have to do,
for our mission is bigger than the stingy drops of a half full cup

You are a unique and special gift in this world
and you have so much to give,
so please start treating yourself this way, as a gift
P.S.: I am writing this, post-Thursday afternoon middle of the day decadence at the women’s hammam, receiving a luscious scrub and soaping treatment, gifted by a friend, yum.

P.P.S.: If you want to gift yourself Somatic Coaching support for reprogramming yourself out of these compulsives giving train racks, get in touch! I am overflowing for working with more clients in the next months.

Photo by Joseph Greve on Unsplash